I’m pissed and I can’t let it go.
I belong to a Discord community for artists and creative people. It’s run by a woman who streams making art on Twitch. I can’t tell you exactly how long I’ve belonged to this community but I know it’s been years. I’m fond of the people there because they are friendly, thoughtful, and funny. They’re an international group, the streamer lives in the US and many of them live in Europe. We aren’t Friends (capital F) but I’d say we’re friends (lowercase f). I’d let a lot of these folks sleep on my couch and I’d totally send them money if they needed it. I think they’d do the same for me. This is all pretty standard internet socializing.
And like all standard internet socializing, it fell apart.
On May 5th, 2024 one of the moderators for the group posted this message (names removed).
The three people represented in this message were moderators and very active in the community. I had a lot of respect for them because they are supportive and intelligent people. There was no context for this message and as other people started to see it, it was clear that no one had any clue what was going on. Members speculated about how an exchange (the only exchange) after Hamas attacked Israel on October 7th could have been the source of the dramatic exit.
The conversation basically devolved from there. I spent quite a bit of time lamenting being sad that three people I considered friends had abandon the community with no context. I felt hurt and potentially responsible. I’m not shy about mocking the US government and while I didn’t directly comment on the humanitarian disaster that is Israel attacking Gaza, I had at least one tense-ish exchange with one of the people who left about protests in the US. Many members started to demand that the Streamer make a statement about her perspective on Israel/Palestine. For context, the Streamer is Jewish and a woman of color. Members wanted her to be clear about her views to determine is she is a “safe person” and if the Discord server is a “safe space.” (This is a reminder that white people think comfort is the same as safety.) They wanted to know the Streamer’s “values” so they could decide to leave the Discord server if values didn’t align. (The last group of people I heard weaponize the word values is the GOP.) The collective assessment was that Israel/Palestine is a “simple issue” and it should be easy for the Streamer to produce a statement. I was called ignorant once. The Streamer was call “the oppressor.” There was a lot of grandstanding and dogmatism. It was pretty clear the most vocal people already thought the Streamer was an Israeli nationalist. I got sick of all of it and disabled my Discord account.
While all the server drama was unfolding and before I disabled my account. I messaged the former moderator who posted the “we’re leaving” message. I asked her what was going on and received the following message in reply. (When I asked for this context, I told the person that I wouldn’t repeat anything to the Streamer despite her being my friend. After consideration, I’ve decided to post the message here for myself and for my own story. I suppose this could burn a bridge.)
This message is where I went from confused to furious. The three former moderators decided to dump their friend (and blow up her community) based on assumptions and rumors. As far as I know, the Streamer has never said she thought Palestine shouldn’t exist. And how is a former friend a reliable source for someone’s current beliefs? No one talked to the Streamer about her perspective and no one said anything about this for over six months. I think this is abhorrent behavior. The three former moderators basically boiled a genocide down to who gets to sit with who in the cafeteria. I didn’t really reply to the message because I was too surprised by how terrible their reasoning was. I don’t know if I’ll ever reply.
I can’t unsee subtle antisemitism and racism in how this played out. The former moderators basically called the Streamer a sneaky Jew. The server members are demanding that the Streamer denounce Israel or be labeled unsafe. I’m surprised someone didn’t say she’s just in it for the money. There’s also something very disturbing about a bunch of white people demanding loyalty from a person of color. I don’t think any of the former moderators or server members are intentionally acting antisemitic. All of these people are in their 20s and have only recently learned about the geopolitics of the Middle East. Most of them live in Europe where the Jewish population is considerably less than the US. I wouldn’t be surprised if most of them didn’t know a Jewish person in real life, let alone a Jewish American. This is the behavior of people with no context. People who think TikTok objectively conveys decades of contested history. People who see something horrible and take it out on the only person they know connected to the situation.
As things stand now, my Discord account is disabled and I’m only in contact with the Streamer. I don’t know if I’m going to go back to the server. Right now, the desire to lecture everyone like they’re a child is so strong I don’t trust myself. I’m still sad that a community I loved ended up so divided. I miss the people that left and I miss the respect I had for many of the members. And I’m pissed that instead of actually discussing war/genocide/famine/horribleness, we’re stuck debating if someone is “safe” enough to be friends with. This doesn’t help Palestinians or anyone else.
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